Not so identical anymore

If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked in the last 4.5 years "How do you tell them apart?", I could buy myself a new swagger wagon!

Sometimes I give a long-winded explanation: Really, once you get to know them and their personalities, you find it hard to understand people who can't tell them apart.  For instance, Thing 1 is my laid back guy that will do anything you ask, and is much more sensitive.  Thing 2 is stubborn and independent, but also a little more reserved and timid about new things.....

Sometimes I give a short explanation: Thing 1's faces is more round, and he has a freckle on his back. Thing 2's face is more oval and his has a small freckle by his eye.

Sometimes I give the obvious: Thing 1 is usually wearing blue (and a baseball cap) and Thing 2 is generally wearing red.

And sometimes I am just too tired to bother: I can't, that's why I write their names on their shoes.

But, as of Saturday afternoon, I have a new way for people to tell them apart: Thing 2 is the kid with the stitches on his right hand index finger.

At least for 5 more days.  Then it will become: Thing 2 is the kid with the scar on his right hand index finger.

Because Saturday afternoon, while Superman and I were out front doing yard work, Thing 2 decided he needed to cut open the fresh pineapple in the kitchen using Mommy's rotary blade.  And what he ended up slicing open...was his little finger. :(

Luckily our pediatrician's office has it's own urgent care, so in less than an hour's time my babe had his first stitches put in.

Calling my dad later that night, he reminded me that I got my first stitches at only 2.5 years old, so really, I'd done a good job going almost 5 years with two boys without anyone getting any stitches!

Hormonal Decisions (Guest Blogger)

A friend of mine named Sarah, who blogs at I Love Nail Polish (you should check her out!), told me a while back about unexpected complications she'd had from having her tubes tied after her second child.  I had never heard of these complications before, so I thought it would be interesting to have her write a guest blog about her experience.  Like I said in yesterday, everybody and every body is different, what works well for some might not work well for others, and vice versa.  The key is to make informed decisions for yourself.  So with that, let's welcome Sarah!....

It’s a Girl!

With that announcement I knew Adam and I would need to discuss permanent birth control. Prior to my pregnancy with Bryce I was on “the pill” for about 7 years. Afterward, I had the Mirena IUD for 3. At my 20 week ultrasound, we learned our second child would be a girl, thus (for us) completing our little family. At my next OB/GYN appointment, Adam and I talked briefly with the doc that this baby would be our last. The OB/GYN practice I was using had several practitioners; each patient was required to have an appointment with each doctor. At every appointment we explained to each doctor that this would be our last baby. One doctor suggested the Essure procedure. Essure is a permanent birth control procedure that works with your body to create a natural barrier to prevent pregnancy. To find out more about Essure, ask your OB/GYN and visit www.essure.com.

For me the cons of Essure were:

• It would mean an additional OB/GYN visit.
• Additional cost, as it was not approved by my insurance.
• I’d never heard of it before and it looked strange. (I wasn’t exactly excited to have inserted into my vagina what looked a whole lot like mattress springs, just on a smaller scale.)

The other choice in permanent birth control was a tubal ligation (AKA having my tubes tied). So, that was that. I honestly didn’t ask a whole lot of questions, with only two options tubal ligation seemed to me to be the “only” choice.

Courtesy of theprickcushion.com

What I understood about having my tubes tied was

• It’s 99% effective.
• It could be done immediately after giving birth to Maggie.
• It is covered 100% by insurance.
• It is “permanent,” unless one decided to have a reversal.
• It is the most common form of birth control among married women.

What I didn’t know, but found out later

• Post tubal ligation syndrome is more prevalent than the medical community will admit.
• Afterward, most women need some kind of hormonal support, in the way of hormone replacement therapy or birth control pills.
• Many women experience emotional changes so severe their mood can only be improved with anti depressant treatment.

My personal experience is not one of regret because I am no longer able to have children; the regret stems from not educating myself or exploring other options. It turns out that tubal ligation is more costly and has more complications than a vasectomy. Looking back, continuing use of the Mirena may have been a good solution until we thoroughly researched all of our options. Since having the tubal ligation in May of 2009 my body has gone into what my doc is calling “early menopause.” At the age of 32 it was the last thing I thought I’d be experiencing. My OB/GYN recommended hormone replacement or I could try taking birth control pills to see if they helped. I wasn’t going to take birth control pills; why should I pay for more birth control and put anymore hormones into my system? Instead, I suffer terrible night sweats and hot flashes so severe they send my coworkers searching for sweaters to escape the frigid temps in my office. Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome (PTS) is not something I ever heard or read about prior to my own experience. PTS results from a rapid decline in estrogen levels due from the blood supply being damaged to the ovaries during the TL surgery.

Symptoms of PTS are:

1. Eptopic pregnancy or pregnancy-I was unaware of the number of women who experience these following a TL.

1a.Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling, chills

2. Bouts of rapid heart beat

3. Irritability

4. Mood swings, sudden tears (I’ve been on Zoloft since my pregnancy, without it, I am mush)

5. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)

6. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles

7. Loss of libido (not having this)

8. Dry vagina (or this)

8a.Itchy vagina-at time raw like, can radiated from whole area, with absence of yeast infections. (or this)

8b. Color change in vaginal area. (color gets darker - purple/black) (or this)

9. Crashing fatigue (sometimes)

10.Anxiety, feeling ill at ease (for real)

11.Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom (again without the Zoloft I’m a wreck)

12.Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion (seriously!)

13.Disturbing memory lapses (yeppers)

14.Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence (hmmm, this is particularly bothersome)

14a.Prolapse of uterus do to rapid decress in estrogen levels.

15.Itchy, crawly skin (not experiencing this)

16.Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons

17.Increased tension in muscles

18.Breast tenderness (not this one either)

18a. Decrease in breast mass (definitely no trouble here)

19.Headache change: increase or decrease

20.Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea (yep, had to have my first colonscopy due to blood in my stool and vomiting blood)

21.Sudden bouts of bloat --sucks

22.Depression (Zoloft, 200 mg PO QD)

23.Exacerbation of existing conditions --??

24.Increase in allergies --yes

25.Weight gain (everything “except Weight Watchers” makes me gain weight..primarily food is the culprit though)

26.Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair (…ewe glad I’m not experiencing this)

27.Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance –yep this is scary

28.Changes in body odor –I don’t think so

29.Electric "shock" or "stabbing" sensation under the skin. --nah

30.Tingling in the extremities, --nah

31.Gum problems, increased bleeding --nah

32.Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor --nah

33.Osteoporosis (after several years)

34.Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier –nah

If those life changing symptoms aren’t enough to scare a person out of having a tubal ligation I’m not sure what would be. However, the beauty of living in the U.S. is that women are able to make these decisions for ourselves. And we do have options. It’s too late for my hormonal mess, but do yourself (and your spouse) a favor and do a lot of research, ask other women, talk to your doctor(s) and explore every option available.

TMI pt 2

**Warning male readers...turn back now**


So, months back I wrote a blog post entitled TMI and I urged my man friends not to read it.

One good friend emailed me and said "Uh....I shouldn't have read that."  And I said "I warned you."  And he said "I know, but I was curious."

I'm sure he thought it was going to be a post giving all the secrets to pleasing a woman sexually....and then he was severely disappointed to read that it was about menstrual cups.  :)

Well, here is my warning again, in plain English: Men do NOT read this post.  Unless you like reading about vaginas.  The inside of vaginas.

Okay, if they haven't turned back now, it's their own fault!

So, today I'm going to talk about IUDs.  IUDs, if you don't know, are contraceptive devices that are inserted through your vagina and up into your uterus. They are left there for YEARS! to prevent pregnancy.  (5 years for Mirena*, 7 years for Paraguard*)

I'm not going to get all medical on you here.  If you want to know more about IUDs, you can google them or read about them on wikipedia.  And if any of the facts I give you are wrong, sorry, I'm not a doctor.

I'm just going to share my own personal experience here.  In my layman's terms.

First, I'll tell you what birth control we have used and why we stopped.

The Pill.  I used the pill for 10 years with great success. But for some reason when I restarted the pill after I stopped breast feeding, I just kept forgetting to take it.  I tried to take them when I brushed my teeth in the morning, but I was even forgetting that sometimes (don't worry, I keep a back up tooth brush and paste in my desk at work just for this reason).  I thought the habit might come back if I just gave it time, but I was on it for about 6 months and STILL kept missing pills.  This was no bueno for a couple that got pregnant with twins the exact month she went off the pill.

Nuva Ring*.  I actually really liked the Nuva-Ring.  My doctor gave me 3 or 4 rings to sample, and I was very happy with them.  I especially liked the "set it and forget it" convenience that I so badly needed, and I experienced none of the possible side affects.  But it was $45 a month.  Not to be crass, but Superman and I were just not having $45 worth of sex a month.  I know, I did the math.  We needed to up our monthly copulation averages, or find another route of contraception.


Condoms. I was surprised that Superman was willing to go for this method, considering we had dumped condoms long ago into our courtship (we were monogamous and got tested for all the STDs first young ladies!), and I always just assumed men hated condoms.  But this was a cheap method that was pretty effective (we used it for over 2 years with no pregnancies!). However, there are some draw backs.  Just to name one....While we typically had a healthy supply in our bedside table, we were terrible about having them with us outside of the house.  And there were the occasions where we felt spontaneously amorous, but lack of protection kept us from being able to act on those impulses.  (Hey, we are married, not dead!)


I had heard about IUDs before, but had heard mostly negative things about them.  I had a few friends/acquaintances who had used them and complained of terrible cramping and lots of break through bleeding, and in the end had had them removed. (Actually, one said hers came out!)  So while the concept sounded great (insert a device, minimal hormones, last for 5/7 years) I couldn't bring myself to look past the bad reviews.  But overtime, the more I thought about the IUDs the more I thought: if they are as bad as my friends say, why are so many women still using them?  Then I thought back to all of the negative reviews I'd read about the Nuva Ring after I had already started it.  I had experienced none of the symptoms and complications those women reported.

So I decided that the only way to know for sure if the IUD would work for me, was to give it a try.

At my next annual visit to my OBGYN, I let her know that I would like to try an IUD.  We talked about the pros and cons of Mirena and Paraguard, the two leading IUDs and she sent me on my way with literature and instructions to call me when I started my next period.  (The IUD is inserted during the last days of menstruation, since the cervix is softer.)  Also, during this time, her office staff would contact my insurance to find out what they would cover for each of my two choices.

Here is a break down of my choices:

Mirena

• A plastic device that uses a very low dose of progesterone locally into your uterus.  Now, my doctor wanted me on very low or no hormone birth control, so originally I was not considering Mirena because of this, but it turns out that Mirena is okay because it doesn't use estrogen, and because the hormone is distributed locally and very little of the hormone gets into your actual blood stream.
• Lasts for 5 years
• Because it uses hormones, majority of users report lighter periods (less cramping, lighter flow, less days) and many users report that periods go away completely after about 6 months.

Para Guard

• A plastic device that has copper coils.  The best I could understand was that no one knows exactly why the copper works, but that they think it kills sperm.
• Lasts for 7 years
• Many users report that their periods are actually heavier and longer than before insertion.

Both devices are 99% effective at preventing pregnancy.  And as it turns out, both were covered 100% by my insurance company.  All I had to pay for was my actual appointment for the placement (just a doctor's visit co-pay) and the cost of my 6 week post-placement check up exam (another doctor's visit co-pay).  So for me, that was $80 for 5 or 7 years of birth control!


So, I decided that I was going to try Mirena.  The idea of lighter (and possibly no) periods just sounded too good to pass up.  So, the first day of my menstrual cycle in December, I called and made my appointment.

The actual placement was not too bad.  It wasn't pleasant, but I wasn't screaming or crying or anything.  Imagine if you will a pap smear, but instead of the swabbing portion taking 10 seconds, it took a minute.  It really wasn't a long amount of time, but it seemed like forever when I was naked from the waist down and my hoo-ha was being held wide open by a plastic crank.  The first thing they did was insert a speculum and opened it up, just like a pap.  Then, she measured my uterus, to make sure it was big enough for the device.  I don't remember exactly how much mine measured, but she assured me that it greatly surpassed the minimum. She said I could thank having twins to stretching that bad boy out.  (I think this is also why IUDs used to only be recommended for women who had already experienced a pregnancy.)  Then, she inserted the device using a special tool-thingy.  It didn't take long, just about 30 seconds of pressure and a slight pinching feeling.  Then she cut the string that was dangling through the cervix into the vagina.  Then she was done.

Afterwards I did have a funny pinchy feeling.  It is difficult to describe, because it wasn't quite in the hoo-ha, but it was "down there" in that region.  I had been forewarned of pain by the literature, so I was prepared with a bottle of ibuprofen.  I took two, then headed back to work.  I felt kind of crampy, like normal menstrual crampy, but otherwise I felt fine.

When I got home, I was curious, so I felt for my string.  It didn't feel like a string at all, it felt stiff, more like fishing wire.

Later than night, Superman and I decided to celebrate our condom-free lifestyle by taking it out for a spin. (Another bonus to the IUDs, they are effective against pregnancy from the moment of insertion, no waiting a few hours or 30 days.)  I was curious if he could feel anything, but of course he couldn't.  I've read some women say that their partners were poked by the stiff string, but we didn't experience this.  I actually was a bit uncomfortable, and certain positions were down right bad.  A small part of me worried that certain positions would have to be taken out of our rotation for good, since they actually shorten the vaginal canal and allow the penis to penetrate deeper.  (I did title this blog TMI, y'all!)  Looking back, I should have just waited a few days before trying to have sex, and that is what I'd recommend to others.

Since I was already on the tale end of my cycle, my bleeding was incredibly light.  It could best be described as spotty.  I did expect it would get heavy again after the placement, but it didn't.  But the spotting did last a big longer than if I'd had a normal cycle.  I think I had to wear a pantyliner for like a week afterwards.

By a week after my placement, my spotting was gone.  I could no longer feel any cramping or pinching.  And by this time we had tried having sex again and no positions were off limits.

A month later I had my first post-placement menstruation and it was mostly normal.  I normally have one day of bad cramping (usually the 2nd day), 3-4 heavy days where I use my menstrual cup, and then 1-2 days where a panty liner suffices. For this period, I did notice that my usually heavy days seemed a little less heavy, and by the 3rd day it was almost light enough that I didn't need the cup.  Almost.

I had no breakthrough bleeding.  No non-menstruation cramping.  Things were going so well that for just a second I worried that maybe it had fallen out, like the woman who'd warned me about her bad experience.  I decided to try and feel for the string just to check.  I couldn't feel it.  I enlisted Superman to help (there was a lot of bribing for this!) and he couldn't feel it.  I wasn't panicked enough to call the doctor though.

At the end of January, I went back for my 6 week post-placement check up and crossed my fingers that it was still there.  She examined me and said everything looked great.  She said the reason that I couldn't feel the string was because it had curled up (I've read they tend to curl up and soften over time), but that it was still perfectly in place.  I was cleared as good to go until my next annual pap smear.

A few weeks later, I started my second post-placement menstruation.  And this one was so not normal.  I've had no cramping.  None!  And I had two very light days, followed by one day that I used my cup (but never got a significant amount of stuff), and then four days of light-pantyliner bleeding.


So, in the end, I've been using Mirena for almost 3 months and I have experienced no side effects.  I have experienced no breakthrough bleeding (this was a major problem for a good friend of mine who tried it before), no cramping (I heard a lot of this prior to my placement), it hasn't fallen out, it's not affecting our sex life, my blood pressure has not been affected by the hormones, and my periods are less intense and getting shorter. (Knock on wood, but I'm hoping my next post-placement menstruation will be even lighter than this last one was!)

So, my recommendation to anyone who is interested in the IUD: give it a try.  Remember that everybody (and every body) is different. Just because it wasn't a good fit for your best friend, that does not mean it won't work well for you.  And don't spend a lot of time looking for opinions on chatboards...remember that people generally run to those after bad experiences.  Most people having good experiences don't feel the compulsion to share it with the world.  Which is exactly why I wanted to write this blog and share my good experience.

I promised myself pre-placement that I would give the IUD 3 months.  If after 3 months I wasn't happy, that I would have it removed.  But, I think based on the last 2.5 months that the Mirena has surpassed my expectations, and I predict that I won't be going to have it removed until December 2016.

I hope that you've found this blog useful in helping you make a decision.  If you have, please leave me a comment, and share your experience with an IUD here.  Especially if you've had a positive experience.

*I have not been solicited or paid or in any way encouraged to mention any of the products on this page, this blog is completely and totally my own opinion.

Maybe I'm too sensitive

Maybe I'm too sensitive, but man I get tired of all of the breast-feeding nazis out there.  Every day I feel like I see something about how my children are going to be dumber, fatter, sicker, slower, uglier, and more cancer ridden because they were formula fed.  Actually, I'm just surprised they didn't die from SIDS since I was so uncaring enough not to breast feed them until they were old enough to chew filet mignon.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.  A little.

But c'mon you breast feeding proponents.  Enough already.  We get it.  Breast is best.

Really, do you think there is a person out there that still doesn't understand that breast milk is the optimum choice for a baby's nutrition?  That it is biologically engineered to feed that baby.  We get it.  We all get it.

Do you think people who smoke really don't know it will cause lung cancer?

People who don't breastfeed don't not do it because they don't understand those facts...  They don't do it because their milk doesn't come in, or the baby doesn't latch right, or how about this: they just don't want to.

I have a good friend who didn't breast feed because she just thought it sounded gross.  She is very private about her body and her personal parts and didn't want a) a baby sucking on it or b) to have to breastfeed in public etc.  So she chose to bottle feed with formula.  She didn't put her baby to the breast even once.  Not even to try.  Immediately after labor she began working to dry up her swollen breasts.

Meanwhile, my milk never fully came in.  Try as I might.  I drank Mother's Milk tea.  I took Fenugeek supplements.  I drank liters and liters of water.  I did kangaroo care.  I pumped every 2 hours, on the dot.  I barely made enough to feed one baby, let alone two.  I wanted to breast feed so bad it hurt.  Literally.

I had planned to do it for a year.  We even moved within a mile of my work so that I could go home to nurse once I went back to work.  

But my children would have starved if it hadn't been for formula.  In more ways than one.  Because not only did my milk never fully come in (I never once had "let down" or "engorgement"), but also, my boys never learned to latch on.  Lactation consultant after lactation consultant, even one that specialized in preemies, couldn't help me get those boys to successfully hook up to the tap.

But I was so adamant to give my boys "the best" that I kept trying.  I was like the Little Engine That Could trying so hard to climb that mountain.  Being weighed down by weak breasts, lazy feeding babies,  post-bedrest recovery, and post-partum feelings of failure because I couldn't do this simple thing that nature had designed for my body to do.

After weeks and weeks of torturing myself...  pumping every 2-3 hours, losing sleep, crying rivers of tears each time my babies wouldn't latch or I pumped just 2 ounces, I finally considered giving up.  Superman was beyond relieved when I mentioned it.  He had been wanting me to stop trying weeks ago, but knew he couldn't suggest it.

I called a cousin of mine who I knew had gone through the same thing and eventually given up.  She's a great mom to two beautiful healthy kids.  She had quit after her breasts had failed her with her son, and had such a bad experience that she decided not to try with her daughter.  After several phone calls and hours of consoling, I knew she was right when she told me that I wasn't a bad mother for wanting to quit, that in fact, I would become a better mother after quitting because I would be able to enjoy my babies more.  Feeding time would become joyful, rather than dreaded.  I would hold my babies and smile and laugh while they ate, instead of live in constant anxiety and sadness each time feeding didn't go well.

The final straw was the morning I had pumped and pumped for 40 minutes and gotten less than an ounce.  While cleaning my pump, I accidentally spilled my milk.  And oh did I cry over spilled milk.  I had a full blown hysterical collapse.  My milk was more precious than gold to me at that point.  I was working so hard to produce even the slightest drops for my pre-mature infants...and now it was just a tiny whitish puddle on my kitchen floor.

As I was sitting on the floor sobbing and wiping my eyes, I knew.  My phone calls to my cousin weren't about looking for advice.  They were about looking for permission.  Asking permission from someone I knew to be a good mom that it was okay to quit.  I wanted to quit.

So I did.

I called the hospital and arranged for them to come get my rented hospital grade pump.

Then I called my husband and asked him to bring me home a bottle of wine.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 were 8 weeks old.

And guess what?  They didn't didn't die.  Niether did my friend's who chose not to try.  They aren't dumber, fatter, sicker, slower, or uglier than my breast fed friends' kids.  In fact, all three of the kids are incredibly bright, healthy, perfect size for their ages, and good-looking four year olds.  And we are both great moms, if I may say so myself.  We both make the best choices possible for our kids.  We put our childrens' health and happiness first.

I wonder if all of the breast-feeding propaganda bothers her like it does me.  Maybe I'm overly sensitive because I did try so hard and still failed.  To me, even four years later, it still feels like having salt rubbed over my wounds.  Like I'm being judged by people who don't even know me or my story.  Like I'm being marked as a bad mom by some imaginary Scarlett F.

It's funny, because I don't feel this way about my c-section.  Not in the least.  Would I have preferred a traditional delivery?  Sure.  But once my doctor said the c-section would be best having twins, I trusted her, accepted it, and moved on.

I don't know if it's because the c-sections vs. vaginal delivery rhetoric isn't as prevalent, or if I just don't notice it because I've never had one ounce of remorse, regret, or guilt, like I have known some other c-section mothers to have.  My babies needed to be born, and my doctor and I made an educated decision on the safest way to bring them into the world.  End of story.

Maybe it's because I feel like with my c-section I was in control.  I made the ultimate decision.  Where with the breast feeding, it seems like the decision was made for me (by my body).

So if you are a breast-feeding mommy.  Good for you!  I hope you feel lucky and blessed that you are being honored with the ability to provide and bond with your baby this way.  And if you are a struggling breast-feeding mommy, know that you have to follow your heart.  Maybe the answer is to stick with it and it will get better, but if you need to stop, it will be okay too.  I promise there are many more factors to having great kids than whether or not you breast feed.  And if you chose not to breast feed, while I may not understand it, I can respect that it is your choice.  And I'm sure your children will turn out great too.  'Cause like Superman always says "Some of my favorite people in the world were formula fed babies."  (That would be him and me. :)

TMI (Not for men!)

**Warning male readers...turn back now**

I mean it!

Tampons...pads...yeast infections...

Okay ladies, are they gone?

First, my little problem cleared up.  Solved itself.  Almost four weeks late, but better late than never!

Obviously I'm happy not to be pregnant, have cancer, or some other womanly medical issue.  But the other reason I'm happy is because about six weeks ago, I bought a Diva Cup and have been weirdly looking forward to trying it out.

Let me explain...

Growing up, I was never one to have bad menstrual cramps or extremely heavy flows.  But over the last few years, since having Thing 1 and Thing 2, it seems like this has changed.  In fact, my cramping is so painful now, that almost every month, I have at least one day where all I want to do is take some Pamprin, lay in bed and sleep.

Recently I was doing some research into ways to deal with these painful cramps, and came across a blog written by a woman who has endometreosis.  She said that one of the things her doctor had recommended to battle her own problems was to stop using tampons, because (to paraphrase) once a month you are sticking an object made up of nasty chemicals up your who-ha.  Some suggestions of things to use instead...pads (yuck, no way!) or a menstrual cup (what is that).


I don't know if I'd ever heard of menstrual cups before.  If I had, I just dismissed them and didn't really consider them long enough to remember.

I'm not going to bother boggling you down with all of the facts, when there are so many great websites on the facts and benefits of menstrual cups. (How to Use A Menstrual Cup)

I'll just give you my experience.

1. Putting it in the first time was weird.  But it's gotten easier and less weird every time.

2. Taking it out the first time was hard.  I started to panic a little, thinking I might have to go to the ER.  But I relaxed, kept baring down (practice your kegels ladies!), and used some toilet paper to get a better grip.  Then, the trick is (at least for me), to rock it back and forth as you pull down.  And again, like putting it in, it's gotten much easier each time I take it out.  (And much faster)

3. Like a tampon, I can't feel it when it is in place.

4. I like that it is re-usable: environment.  I used cloth diapers for my boys partly because I wanted to reduce my non-biodegradable waste footprint, but had never really thought about how much waste I was putting into the environment myself every month.

5. I like that it is re-usable: financial.  I got my cup off Amazon.com for $23 + shipping.  I've read that one cup, properly cared for, usually lasts about one year.  That should save me a good chunk of change, considering I'd spend at least that for a two month supply of disposable tampons.

6. I've experienced no leaking.  None.  Not a drop.  (Knock on wood!)

Anyway, I know this blog is TMI.  But, I just wanted to share in case there were other women out there who had never heard of menstrual cups either and would be interested in giving them a shot.

3 weeks late

I'm late.

Three weeks late.

I'm not the most regular ever, at least not one of those exactly 28 days people.  More like 26-30 days, give or take a day.  But it's been almost 7 weeks since my last period.

I don't have any pregnancy symptoms, but I took a test last week just to be sure.  Negative.  Whew!

But a week has passed.  Nothing.

I called my OBGYN today to make sure I shouldn't be too worried about the truant menses (images of cervical cancer and endometriosis were flashing in my head), and he said as long as I have no other symptoms (pain, bloating, etc) that I shouldn't worry.  In fact, he offered to write me a prescription for a med to kick start my stalled out cycle if it doesn't come in about a week.  He said these things just happen sometimes.

This whole episode just got me thinking about how much I don't want another baby.

It took me a long time to come to this definitive decision.  The first year or two after Thing 1 and Thing 2 were born, I still had small secret dreams of trying one more time for a little She-Thing.  Superman thought I was bonkers.  And he constantly reminded me of the months of bedrest to try and deter my thoughts.  But I just couldn't shake my desire to hold a little pink bundle of joy.

Fast forward a few years.

#1 Thing 1 and 2 are so independent.  They can dress themselves, feed themselves, entertain themselves, and are potty trained.  It is so nice to be in this advanced toddler stage, where all we really have to do is play and have fun with our little imps!  I really cannot fathom going back to a baby that is fully and wholly dependent on us for everything.  Blah!

#2 Superman is back at work now.  We were incredibly lucky that things worked out during those first three years with the boys to have him be able to stay at home with them, but after three years, he was really ready to get back in the classroom.  And it would break my heart to have to put a baby in full time daycare.  I just couldn't do it.

#3 Kids are freaking expensive!  I honestly do not understand how families in similar financial groups as us have 3, 4, 5 kids!  Do they have cars?  Do they eat?

So in summary...babies are cute.  But they are a lot of work, responsibility, and cost a lot of money.  If we were rich, and money were no object, and I could afford to stay home, maybe I would still be pining away for something sugar and spice and everything nice.  But for right now...I am very content with my frogs and snails and puppy dog tails.

Grateful

It's amazing what we stumble on while surfing the internet.  Today I clicked on a link on CNN.com on the story of a Toledo woman who was implanted with the wrong embryos and some where along the way ended up on a website called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, which is an organization that provides free photography services to woman who have lost a baby.

I read a few of these incredibly touching and sad stories, and was overwhelmed with feelings.  Sadness.  Sympathy.  Anger.  Guilt.

But most of all, I kept thinking how lucky I was to have somehow ended up with not just one, but two healthy children.

And while I cursed so much of the process at the time, I can look back now and appreciate how many wonderful things aligned just right to make their life possible.

It was an unplanned pregnancy.  I wasn't taking any vitamins or supplements or folic acid.  But luckily I discovered I was pregnant very early on and was able to immediately be put under a doctor's care.

I had recently moved to Ohio and hadn't even found an OBGYN yet.  I picked Dr. Miracle out of an insurance directory.  I believe I owe my sons lives to this amazing doctor.

We discovered it was twins very early on (7 weeks).  Dr. Miracle scheduled an ultrasound right away "just in case," even though most woman I know don't have their first ultrasound until 12 weeks.

Dr. Miracle just so happened to have completed a residency with a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist who specialized in multiple pregnancies.  So the first thing she did was begin monitoring me for incompetent cervix, which she knew I was at higher risk for carrying multiples, by ordering a vaginal ultra sound every two weeks.

When the MFM in Toledo saw the initial "funneling" (first signs of an incompetent cervix) he was actually willing to wait another week to see if we needed to operate.  Dr. Miracle was more aggressive.  She called me at work that afternoon and I'll never forget her words: "He is the specialist. But I'm telling you, if it was my babies and my body, I'd be in the hospital having that cerclage done tonight."  And I was.  And I did.

From there, I did everything she told me to do.  Everything.  She told me to stay on bedrest for one week.  Lay in bed all day.  Only get up to go to the bathroom and for one short 5 minute shower a night.  Have Superman time me.

After one week, I went in for my check up and there was more bad news.  The cerclage was holding, but the funneling was worse, my cervix was opened all the way down to the sutures now.  Instead of going back to work and continuing the rest of my pregnancy normally, I would be on bedrest (or what I like to call "bed arrest") for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I was 20 weeks along.

Everyday before leaving for work, Superman would fix up a cooler of meals and snacks for me and put it on my bedside.  I watched a lot of tv, surfed a lot of internet, did a lot of crossword puzzles, cross stitching, crocheting, reading...you name it.  We were new to the area, so during four weeks of bed arrest I had six non-Superman visitors.  My in-laws came once, my aunt and uncle from Indiana came once, one work colleague came, and one of my friends from home who was traveling through NW Ohio on a business trip.  I was bored out of mind.  But I stayed in that bed.

After three weeks of weekly check ups, the prognosis wasn't good.  My cervix was dangerously thin and open.  Dr. Miracle said it could no longer take the pressure of traveling 10 minutes for my weekly check ups.  She was concerned the cerclage would rip (I could have hemorrhaged) and/or that the amniotic sac would break (pre-mature delivery).  She wanted me in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I was 23 weeks along

I was still allowed up to go to the bathroom, but my daily showers which had been changed to every other day showers were now changed again to weekly showers.  I would be a button press and five feet away from emergency medical care.  My room was the closest to the nurses' station on the maternity ward.  I was ordered to spend my days lying in the trendelenburg position, with my feet up and head down.  I was put on medication to hold off contractions, since they would have an averse affect on my cervix.  I was given a steroid shot to help develop the boys lungs in the likely case they were born pre-mature.

Once a week, I was wheeled down to the ultrasound tech (not in a wheelchair mind you, in my bed).  Every week my cervix measurements got smaller and smaller.  Every week we held our breath, crossed our fingers, and said our prayers that my cervix could hold out just one more week.

As my cervix continued to shrink, my restrictions grew.  Soon there were no more showers.  Soon I was on a bedpan.

Right around 28 weeks, what the medical community deems "viability," I had a brief resurgence in my cervical measurements.  We were elated.  Until I got the letter from my insurance company saying it no longer considered my hospital stay to be necessary medical treatment.  They argued that because my cervix was getting better, I didn't need to be in the hospital.  Dr. Miracle told us not to worry.  She explained to the bureaucrats that my cervix was getting better because the treatment WAS WORKING.  Then, in language they understood she asked if they'd rather pay for an extended minimally invasive stay of the mother or for the extended intensive care stay of two incredibly premature babies.  They decided my care, being considerably less expensive was the better investment.

Unfortunately, the resurgence didn't last long.  And soon I was back to agonizing over premature delivery and what possible long term complications my sons would have if they beat the odds and survived.

At 30 weeks, Dr. Miracle told me if I made it to 35 weeks and the boys measured at least 5 lbs each, she'd plan the cesarean.  (Any thoughts I'd had about trying a vaginal delivery were by this point long gone out the window.  I'd have been much too weak.)

The nurses made me a tear off countdown clock.  We started a "birthdate" pool.

My cervix was shrinking.  I was put on an IV for dehydration.  I was depressed.  I was lonely (my only regular vistor was Superman, but even he worked, so my time with him was limited to 6 pm -10 pm during the week).  I was pale.  I was weak.  I slept a lot.

At 33 weeks, the boys were both measuring almost 5 lbs by ultrasound, so Dr. Miracle, Superman, and I set a delivery date: June 11.  We called our parents and friends.

(Sidenote: My sister wanted me to change the date to June 13, so they'd share her birthday.  I told her she was crazy after 16 weeks of bedrest to ask me to wait even one more day.  In hindsight, though I haven't told her, I wish I'd waited.  But at the time I was not mentally or emotionally prepared to do that.)

All of the days in the birthdate pool passed....33 weeks and 5 days, 34 weeks and 1 day, 34 weeks and 3 days...  my stubborn little cervix literally beat every single date that anyone had guessed.  Including Superman's.  Including mine.

My parents came.

Superman's parents came.

June 11th came.

And at 11 am, I was wheeled into the Operating Room.

At 11:36 am, Thing 1 was born weighing 5lbs 13 oz and 18.5 inches long.  Scoring a perfect 10 on the Apgar scale.

At 11:38 am, Thing 2 was born weighting 5 lbs 7 oz and 18.25 inches long.  Scoring a 10 on the Apgar scale.

16 weeks filled with worry, anxiety, tears, and uncertainty.  Every second worth it.  I felt, and still feel, like the luckiest woman in the world.

Six weeks later, during my final post-delivery check up with Dr. Miracle, she admitted that even she didn't think I'd make it to 35 weeks.  She thought when I was admitted to the hospital, I'd be lucky to make it another 2 or 3 weeks tops.

I don't know why fate smiled down on me and my boys, but I'm really really grateful.