Bad Mom Confession

The morning started out fine.

A typical Monday morning, no one wanted to get up after two days of sleeping in.

Mommy Dearest

Thing 2, usually the more difficult of the two to get up, got up and going with just a little resistance. I smartly got him motivated to get ready by reminding him that it was his sharing day at school (basically show and tell, but the teacher gives them a theme of what to bring in).

Thing 1, usually the easier to rouse of the two, kept trying to crawl back under the sheets. I had to physically dress him myself with him pulling against me. Once he was dressed, I sent him off to brush his teeth, while Thing 2 and I headed to the basement to find a sphere, a cube, a cylinder, and a cone. (Yes, I really should have taken care of this this weekend, but I forgot. Bad mom move #1.)

When we came upstairs, we put Thing 2's items in his book bag and I quickly got on his coat, hat, and gloves (of course it was freezing this morning!). Again, he is usually the harder of the two to do these tasks, so I was pleased it was going so quickly.

But then all hell broke loose! Thing 1 was crying hysterically in the bathroom "But I didn't brush my teeth yet." (P.S. I had left him in the bathroom with instructions to brush his teeth BEFORE we had headed downstairs on our shapes' scavenger hunt.)

I snapped! "Why didn't you brush your teeth? Fine, I'll brush your teeth for you. I dressed you like a baby. Now I'll brush your teeth like your a baby. Are you a baby or a big boy? You should be doing this stuff for yourself."

Of course then he is crying. (Bad mom move #2.)

We leave the bathroom and I am fervently trying to get his coat and hat and gloves on him. Of course I'm having to put them on for him, because he is crying because I basically called him a baby. :(

Then just as we are heading to the door, we see the school bus...drive by.  Grrr!

So, me, worst mom ever turns to Thing 1 and says "Great! Now you made us miss the bus!" So his sniffling cry turns into FULL BLOWN HYSTERICS!

GOD, I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!

I go out and start the car. (Which at this point he is sobbing uncontrollably because he thinks I'm leaving him.)

Then I come back in and tear around the house getting the rest of my stuff together for work, so I can drop them at school on my way to work.

With my jacket on, purse on my arm, lunch box in my hand, I look over at my son and think "My god, what have I done?"

I sit down on the couch and ask him to come to me. We hug and I say "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. Of course you aren't a baby. And it's not your fault we missed the bus. It's mommy's fault because I should have gotten you up earlier. I am just frustrated and I'm taking it out on you. But I'm not really frustrated with you. Do you understand." He nods his head, but of course he doesn't.

"I love you so much. And I'm so sorry I was being mean. Sometimes mommy gets frustrated and loses her temper and can be mean. I really hate that about myself. Do you forgive me." He nods his head and hugs me tighter.

And I feel like the worst person ever because I KNOW what I do. I know I have a temper. I know I handled the situation badly and even though I've apologized, I can't erase what I've already said. I can't erase that he (and my other son) saw my behavior. I don't want them to learn to act that way. I don't want them to inherit my temper and my ability to fly off the handle.

But, I guess the silver lining (to me at least) is that I am big enough to see my faults and #1 apologize for them and #2 admit them to my sons. I hope that I am teaching them that you have to apologize when you hurt someone and you have to own up to your bad behavior. I just hope that rubs off on them more than my actual bad behavior.

What do you do when you don't like a kid?

Yesterday one of my favorite bloggers posted a blog about having a nanny.  And one of the things I thought was interesting about her justification for being a stay-at-home-mom with a nanny is that only in the United States do we have this "my child, my problems" mentality.  Almost everywhere else still lives by the "it takes a village approach."

It got me thinking: As an American, I am very careful about reprimanding other people's children, because you never know when a parent will go ape-shit on you.

"Oh no you didn't just tell my child to stop kicking that kid!"

The next thing I know I'd be in a youtube video titled "Moms get in cat fight at playground."

So what do you do when a little kid is being a jerk?  

Really, at a playground is the easiest place to deal with this situation.  Tell your kid to stay away from the kid that is hitting/pushing/calling names/spitting/acting a fool.  If he doesn't, just leave.  You will most likely never see that little jerk again.

And while all kids can be little jerks once in a while, what do you do when there is a kid you know that is just generally a little jerk most of the time?

If it is a friend's kid, we just stop hanging out with that friend when the kids are involved.

But what do you do when the kid, the one that you see as a negative influence, is a more permanent fixture in your child's life that you can't simply weed out? What do you do if they are in their class at school, or go to the same church, or are on the same tee-ball team, or live on the same block.  Are you going to have them change classes?  Switch churches?  Transfer leagues?  Move!?!?  Even if you would/could do any of those things, in all likelihood, you'd just run into a new, different problem kid there, too.  You can't just keep moving.

And let me interrupt for a second to say that we in no way think our kids are perfect. All you have to do is read my blog to know that I know my kids can be loud and unruly. They can be mean (but usually only to each other).  But #1 we acknowledge our children's imperfections, and we are constantly working on positive reinforcement and constructive discipline to curb these behaviors. But most parents with the kids I can't stand think that their kid wears a halo and poops rainbows.  (You can't fix it if you can't/won't admit there is something wrong.) #2 I don't want them picking up any more bad behaviors while we are trying to correct the ones they already have!

Am I the only one with these dilemmas?  Are other parents facing similar situations?  What do you do???

Or am I just a jerk for thinking little kids can be jerks?

Kindergarten

So, this morning I signed Thing 1 and Thing 2 up for Kindergarten.

First, can I just say I had this little daydream about how perfect our morning would go...  Them dressed cutely in shorts and tshirts, with their hair side swept, and smiling and laughing excitedly about getting to visit their "kindergarten school."

But instead, they were little spawns of Satan. Running around.  Running into glass walls.  Being WAY too loud for a school environment (yes, they spent a lot of time singing a cute song they'd made up, but there is a time and place boys!).  Thing 2 swinging his dog purse around, even after swearing to me that if I let him bring it in that he would not misbehave with it ("Mom, it's not a toy.").  Then throwing said dog purse at each other.  Me trying to fill out gads of paperwork in between "boys stop that" "boys inside voices"  "boys quit throwing" "are you two too little to come to kindergarten?  You aren't acting like big boys right now, maybe you need to stay in preschool with the little kids."  I didn't dare look around to see the looks I must have been receiving as the other parents sat with their single children sitting quietly.

Am I a bad mother that I obviously lose my cool in said situations and just can't seem to control them?  Or am I a good mother because at least I have the good sense to know they are being hellions and am embarrassed about it, instead of being completely oblivious or just shrugging my shoulders and saying "kids will be kids"?

Either way, this mother was relieved when I was finally ready to walk out the door.  But right before I left, their soon-to-be-principle came out and introduced herself (and tried calming the boys down with her calm, hushed tones).  And since she was right there, and since there had not been a place for it on any of the forms,  I asked her about putting Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the same kindergarten class.  To my surprise, she said no, that as a rule, they do not put siblings in the same class.

I was a little shaken by this since Superman and I had discussed wanting to keep them in the same class through Kindergarten at least, but I was too exasperated from dealing with the tornado twins for the last 45 minutes, so I decided just to leave, tell Superman, talk it over, and then decide if we needed to readdress the issue with her.

A little while later I called Superman to #1 say "we must do something about the boys' discipline...I feel like their behavior is getting more wild" (he for the record doesn't think there is a problem, which is a problem for me).  And #2 let him know what the principal said about the two classrooms.

His answer, "Well then we will send them to a different school."  What now?  NO.

First of all, I did all of the research, preparation, and work to get them registered in THIS school.  Second, this is where their neighborhood friends will go.  And third, this is the school where the school bus will take them.  Just WHO does he think will be taking them to this out of zone school every morning?  Not me!!  I'm counting the days until my school drop off duties are over.  I can only take so many morning mornings of yelling "will you just buckle your freaking seatbelts!" while two kids are fighting and/or playing behind me and we are all running late because they were fighting and/or playing when they were supposed to be dressing, eating breakfast, or picking up...I'm going to lose my shit!

This is what I say: I QUIT!  I'm tired.  I have no fight left in me.  My energy will go towards something that affects my day positively, like figuring out how to put the fear of god in my kids (that does not involve spanking them in to submission) so that they will shape up and start behaving in public like children and not orangutans.  If Superman wants to fight the principal...let him do it.  I'll support him, but I am NOT doing the leg work on this one.  And if she still won't back down, he'll have to get over it, because I'm not sending the kids out of zone just because he has dreams of them growing up not only as brothers but best friends attached at the hip, doing everything together, and one day moving off to college and being roommates together.  Then marrying twin sisters and living next door to each other with their red and blue houses and matching SUVs.

Sorry...I'm just feeling stressed and this morning hasn't helped any.