Embrace the camera (again)

Click here to learn more about Embrace the camera Thursdays.



So, I've been terrible at embracing the camera lately.  The last time I did it was in March!  Egads!
Part of the problem is that I've been terrible at blogging lately period.  I am an idiot who bit off way more than I could chew this summer.  Between the normal hustle and bustle of being a working mom with two young kids, I also signed Superman and I up for a co-ed softball team (the first time I've played since college!).  Then, Superman encouraged me to sign up for a class I've been talking about taking for 3 years (but never doing anything about).  It's an online grad class, and it's kicking my butt.  It feels like it requires so much more effort than my last grad class.  7 years ago.  Before I was married.  Before I had kids.  Before I had a 4 bedroom house to keep clean.  And a lawn with landscaping.  And a garden.  Really...what was I thinking?!?!
The other problem is that I am still so camera shy.  I know that Embrace the camera encourages you to ignore what you look like, and just get in front of the camera because your kids will want to remember you and won't notice if you didn't look your best.  But that is so much harder to do when you are really really unhappy with the way you look. :(
For Mother's Day, we took the kids to a local indoor water park.  And while I took about 100 pictures of them, I had to really force myself to take one of me.  Because if there is anything harder than taking a picture of yourself when you are unhappy with your weight, it's taking a pictures of yourself in a bathing suit when you are unhappy with your weight.

My signature pose: trying to hide behind a kid, so you don't notice how fat I am.

But I am making a new promise to myself...I will start embracing the camera again.  Because I have decided I am going to get this weight off.  And every week I'm going to force myself to get in front of the camera so that #1 I can't live in denial about my problem and #2 I can watch myself making progress as I am adopting healthier habits and losing weight.
For now, my plan involves following Weight Watcher eating religiously (I know HOW, I just need to commit to it), doing DDP Yoga in the mornings, and taking evening walks (and eventually jogs).  I have a short term goal of being able to job the Persimmon Festival 5K this September.
Now those are pictures I'm looking forward to posting!  Sweat, nasty, and all!

I love my job

While evaluating some text books yesterday, I came across an excerpt in a chapter dealing with working/careers in the United States.  The main point of the article was that more and more Americans choose careers not based on how much money they'll make, but rather jobs that interest them and make them feel personally fulfilled.

According to the author's study, the following are the most important things most Americans say they value in a job:

1. I'm treated with respect and shown confidence in my abilities.
2. There is variety in my daily work.
3. I find challenge in my work.
4. There is an opportunity for advancement.
5. The work I do contributes to society.

Reading through this list, I was reminded once again why I hate my job. When complaining to Superman or my best friends about why I hate my job, I tend to focus on the little monotonous issues I have with my colleagues.  But really, it is these broader issues that have nothing to do with anyone else (well I guess except #1, which feeds into the issues I have with my colleagues) which are the real heart of my problems.  Of everything on that list, the only one I can say I have at my current job is #5.  And even that I feel is a stretch.

I'm still hopeful that 2012 brings a change for me.  I know it's possible to love your job.  I have had jobs that I loved.  And I hope to one day (SOON!) be again able to say "My name is Amber, and I love my job."

Almost a year!

I just realized that it has been almost a year since I started this blog.

My first entry post was on January 4, 2011.  So, in just a few weeks, it will be one year.

To date, I have posted 62 blogs (not counting this one).  Which means over 11 months I have posted an average of 1.3 blogs a week.  That is not terrible.  Especially not for my first blog.

May 2012 bring an even more fruitful blogging experience (maybe a few more readers too).

Until then, I have a few more weeks left of 2011 to help my average. Maybe I can get it up to 1.5!

40 B4 40 Update III

3. Sell something on etsy.com

Well, I haven't sold something yet.  But I did finally put my store online.

I chose the shop name Do-It-Myself as a play on the popular term Do-It-Yourself.  Because the types of crafts I'll be selling are the types of things mosts women (or men) would make themselves for family and friends if they had the time, money, or talent (although I didn't include that last part in the shop description!).

My first listing is the superhero capes that I've been making for Thing 1 and Thing 2's friends.  I can tell you from experience that these make great birthday presents.  What kid wouldn't love their own personalize superhero cape?

Fingers crossed!

40 B4 40: Update

Right after the new year, I wrote my list of 40 Things I Want to Accomplish Before I Turn 40. Seeing as I will be turning 32 in two days, I thought maybe this would be a good time to update my progress.

3. Sell something on etsy.com - So, I've started making these capes. Originally I just made them for Thing 1 and Thing 2, but some friends saw pictures of them online and the requests started coming in. I've done preliminary research on starting a shop, and right now I'm at the stage of deciding what my shop name will be. Superman came up with "Mama Kay Designs," which I thought was really catchy, but apparently somebody else did too, because "Momma Kay" and "Mama Kay" were both already taken. Once I decide on the name, I will open my shop and start listing the capes and maybe add on t-shirt quilts in the future.

4. Present at a national conference - In January, I submitted a proposal to ACTFL and am waiting to hear whether or not it's been accepted. I should find out some time this month.

5. Have a job I love - I applied for two new jobs in the last month. One application resulted in an interview. It's been about 3 weeks since the interview, and I still haven't heard anything. However, I also haven't received my portfolio back yet, so I'm trying to stay positive that means I'm still in the running for the second round of interviews. Also, I've checked online, and the position has not been filled through HR yet. I'm also focusing on trying to appreciate the job I do have, which has made things better.

7. Jog a 5K - About two weeks ago, I started the Couch to 5K running program. I'm currently on my second week of the first week work out. My brother and I started at the same time, so we are encouraging one another and have picked out a 5K to jog together in September.

10. Achieve a normal weight BMI (18.5–24.9) - I rejoined Weight Watchers. I was pretty successful with it once back B.C., so I'm hoping the second time's the charm. So far, I've lost 18 pounds since January 3. It's coming off slowly, but slow and steady wins the race. Hey, I have until 40 after all!

12. Grow an herb garden - Last week I planted some cilantro, basil, and oregano. Growing it in the window until after the first frost, when I will transplant the seedlings to a porch container.

13. Grow a vegetable garden - Last week I planted some heirloom tomatoes, brussels sprouts, and rainbow peppers. Growing it in the window until after the first frost, when I will transplant the seedlings to the garden. I bought a soil test kit to test the garden plot in the meanwhile. And I've researched renting a mini-tiller for clearing out the plot once the ground softens.

26. Finish Thing1 & Thing2's scrapbooks - I finished Year 1! Year 2, 3, & 4 still to go.

27. Scrapbook my wedding - Started.

31. Learn to use my serger - Got it down, dusted it off, threaded the machine, and practiced on scrap pieces. I need to find a project to make with it next...

I think I've got a pretty good start going....

Confessions of a Facebook Addict

Lent is the period of the liturgical year from Ash Wednesday to Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Wikipedia: Lent

I did not grow up in a religious household.  My father is a lapsed Catholic and my mother is a staunch atheist.  I did go to church occasionally, with friends or with my grandma, but it was not something expected or encouraged by my parents.  Growing up in the south, I was certainly exposed to a lot of religion.  Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network's headquarters is in my hometown, just about 15 miles from the house I grew up in.  I've even been in the studio audience of a filming of the 700 Club (with my grandma) and an episode of Big Brother Jake (a school field trip).

When I was younger, I liked going to church.  Mostly because I liked the feeling of belonging to something.  Being a Navy brat, we never lived near extended family. It was just my parents, my brother, and me.  But on Sundays, when you went to church, it felt like a big family reunion.  There were dozens upon dozens of wrinkled women who smelled like butterscotch hugging you and their gray-haired male companions flashing their big dentured smiles and calling you affectionate names.  To someone who lost three out of four grandparents before she was 10 years old, I gladly welcomed these friendly seniors as my surrogate grandparents.  Similarly, the Sunday School classes were teeming with the cousins I never knew.

But as I grew up, and began to think more about the real reasons why people go to church, I found myself coming to the realization that I was just not a "Christian."  I didn't believe all of the things I was told a Christian had to believe, and furthermore, I found myself not liking most of the self-proclaimed Christians that I met.  I found most of them to be judgmental of others (Christians and non-Christians), hypocritical, and lacking compassion.  Of course I still had Christian friends, but much like the bumper sticker says to "Love the sinner, hate the sin," I had chosen to "Love the person, hate the faith-group."  Okay, so hate is a strong word, more like dislike and seriously mistrust.

So, how did this person come to be the woman who brings her kids to church every Sunday, attends a Sunday school class, and is even practicing a sacrifice for Lent this season?  The answer is...I found a church that truly accepts me for who I am.  First United Church of Bloomington is unlike any other church I've ever attended.  It welcomes everyone.  Everyone.  All brand of Christianity...Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, Pentecostals, Quakers.  Muslims.  Jews.  Atheist.  Anyone and everyone interested in a spiritual discussion about faith, serving God, and caring for our fellow man.

Since we've been attending FUCB, I have learned a lot about pure compassion.  And about selflessly helping and giving to others.  And while I'm still not ready to be baptized or change my Facebook status to "Christian," I am truly enjoying being a part of this faith community and learning more about how to be a better person and more fully serve God and my fellow mankind.

Which brings me to Lent.  In our church, they don't mandate that you "give something up for Lent."  In fact, the message I got was more about the importance of using this time to think about your spirituality and meditate on God, whether you give something up in order to focus more on it or not is your own decision.  Superman, a Christian from way back, poked me in Sunday's service and whispered "I'm giving up self-denial," as he does every year.  But, I decided to take it a bit more seriously.

To me, who still sees herself as more of a deist than a Christian, God is the creator.  Someone or something that created the whole universe, and we are all God's children.  And I feel the best way I can honor and serve that creator is to focus on fostering positive relationships with the people in my life.  And while chocolate might not be good for my waist line, I don't feel like it hinders my relationship with others.  But because I still feel the need to "give something up," I chose to give up Facebook.  Okay, not completely give it up, but give up my addiction to it.

Facebook gets a bad rep.  There are an ever rising number of articles and blogs out there about the dangerous and negative effects of our current Facebook culture: 10 Ways Facebook Can Ruin Your Life

But Facebook itself is not a bad thing.  For someone like me who has moved a lot and lives hundreds of miles away from most of my friends and family, Facebook is a savior for helping me stay connected with people.  When planning my high school class's 10 year reunion, Facebook and Myspace (may it rest in peace) were instrumental in locating old classmates, and we had a great turnout because of that.  When a close friend of mine from high school passed away unexpectedly this past summer, the news spread quickly and many who might not have otherwise even heard of his passing were able to attend the funeral and pay their respects.  (In contrast, a few years earlier, when a friend of mine from college passed, it was nearly 4 months later before most of his college buddies even heard.)

The problem I've found is that #1 I spend too much time ON Facebook: browsing, reading, commenting, uploading...just wasting time.  And #2 It has become my main mode of communication. When I used to pick up the phone and talk to my friend, now I'll just leave her a short message on her Wall.  In one way Facebook helps us keep better connected with people, but in another way, it keeps us from having meaningful communication with them....

So for the next 39 days, I will be taking all the extra time I would normally spend browsing, reading, commenting, etc and put it towards being more productive and have more meaningful interactions with my family.  And when I need to contact someone, I will either type out an actual email (not an abbreviated wall posting) or pick up the phone and actually talk to them.

And for those who are wondering, I opted not to give it up completely, because there are people that I communicate with only through Facebook (I don't even have their phone number or email address), so I will allow myself 5 minutes every morning to check my account.

One day in, I would say that while it has been hard not to log in (I thought about asking Superman to change my password so I couldn't, but then I decided I had to use my own will power for it to really count), I have already seen a difference in my quality of communication.  Yes, I've had to use some investigative work to find some emails and phone numbers, but I was able to do it, and successfully communicate with people without my Facecrack!

40 before 40

When I turned 25, I had a bit of a "quarter-life crisis". To help battle my feelings of failure and disappointment, I made a list of 5 goals that I wanted to achieve by 30. They were:

1. Be married (hopefully to Superman)
2. Have (at least started) a family
3. Have a job in my career field
4. Own a house
5. Own a boat

In the years between writing the list and turning 30 (2009), I had forgotten about my list. But as luck would have it, a few months after turning the big 3-0, I found it. I was very satisfied to see my progress.

1. Be married (hopefully to Superman) Check!
2. Have (at least started) a family Done! Check!
3. Have a job in my career field Check!
4. Own a house Almost check, as I was in the process of finalizing the purchase of our house.
5. Own a boat Not even close. However, seeing as I had two toddlers, this was also no longer a goal.

Recently, I decided I needed to make a new list. Goals of things to achieve by the time I'm 40. Here it is (in no particular order)...

My List:

1. Write a book (Even if I NEVER publish it.)
2. Get something published (photo, article, etc.) (journal article Fall 2015)
3. Sell something on etsy.com (summer 2011)
4. Present at a national conference (ACTFL - November 2015)
5. Have a job I love
6. Continue my education (through a certificate, another Masters, or start PhD) (IST Grad Certificate May 2014)
7. Jog a 5K (without stopping to walk)
8. Finish a half-marathon (don't care if I have to walk!)
9. Learn yoga (summer 2013)
10. Achieve a normal weight BMI (18.5–24.9)
11. Cook an entire Thanksgiving meal by myself (Thanksgiving 2013)
12. Grow an herb garden  (summer 2011)
13. Grow a vegetable garden (summer 2011)
14. Learn how to jar/can something (jarred jalapeños grown from my own garden summer 2013)
15. Make my own hot sauce (summer 2016)
16. Make my own wine
17. Take a "girls only" vacation (St. Louis - February 2015)
18. Take my kids to Disney World (March 2013 and again May 2014)
19. Take Superman to Cabo
20. Visit my good friend in India
21. Go to Hawaii (visit where I was born)
22. Go white water rafting
23. Take a cruise
24. Travel by train*
25. See a show on Broadway
26. Finish Thing1 & Thing2's scrapbooks (spring 2011)
27. Scrapbook my wedding (summer 2011)
28. Scrapbook my college years
29. Scrapbook my high school photos
30. Learn to play piano
31. Learn to use my serger (summer 2011)
32. Learn to knit
33. Learn to use coupons (making it a habit)
34. Read at least 15 more books from the top 100 novels list
35. Put myself on the bone marrow transplant list
36. Fill a recipe box with my favorite recipes (including family recipes) (fall 2013, made a family recipe cookbook on shutterfly)
37. Build something (like a shed, or pantry, etc)  (craft table...summer 2011)
38. Establish a style
39. Add charms for my sons to my charm bracelet
40. Take part in a Flash Mob

Wish me luck and keep me honest!

*I realized after I wrote this that I have already traveled by train when my best friend FotoGal and I backpacked through Europe together in college. What I mean more specifically is taking a vacation (with my train loving sons) through the U.S. by train. Which I have never done.