Bad Mom Confession

The morning started out fine.

A typical Monday morning, no one wanted to get up after two days of sleeping in.

Mommy Dearest

Thing 2, usually the more difficult of the two to get up, got up and going with just a little resistance. I smartly got him motivated to get ready by reminding him that it was his sharing day at school (basically show and tell, but the teacher gives them a theme of what to bring in).

Thing 1, usually the easier to rouse of the two, kept trying to crawl back under the sheets. I had to physically dress him myself with him pulling against me. Once he was dressed, I sent him off to brush his teeth, while Thing 2 and I headed to the basement to find a sphere, a cube, a cylinder, and a cone. (Yes, I really should have taken care of this this weekend, but I forgot. Bad mom move #1.)

When we came upstairs, we put Thing 2's items in his book bag and I quickly got on his coat, hat, and gloves (of course it was freezing this morning!). Again, he is usually the harder of the two to do these tasks, so I was pleased it was going so quickly.

But then all hell broke loose! Thing 1 was crying hysterically in the bathroom "But I didn't brush my teeth yet." (P.S. I had left him in the bathroom with instructions to brush his teeth BEFORE we had headed downstairs on our shapes' scavenger hunt.)

I snapped! "Why didn't you brush your teeth? Fine, I'll brush your teeth for you. I dressed you like a baby. Now I'll brush your teeth like your a baby. Are you a baby or a big boy? You should be doing this stuff for yourself."

Of course then he is crying. (Bad mom move #2.)

We leave the bathroom and I am fervently trying to get his coat and hat and gloves on him. Of course I'm having to put them on for him, because he is crying because I basically called him a baby. :(

Then just as we are heading to the door, we see the school bus...drive by.  Grrr!

So, me, worst mom ever turns to Thing 1 and says "Great! Now you made us miss the bus!" So his sniffling cry turns into FULL BLOWN HYSTERICS!

GOD, I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!

I go out and start the car. (Which at this point he is sobbing uncontrollably because he thinks I'm leaving him.)

Then I come back in and tear around the house getting the rest of my stuff together for work, so I can drop them at school on my way to work.

With my jacket on, purse on my arm, lunch box in my hand, I look over at my son and think "My god, what have I done?"

I sit down on the couch and ask him to come to me. We hug and I say "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. Of course you aren't a baby. And it's not your fault we missed the bus. It's mommy's fault because I should have gotten you up earlier. I am just frustrated and I'm taking it out on you. But I'm not really frustrated with you. Do you understand." He nods his head, but of course he doesn't.

"I love you so much. And I'm so sorry I was being mean. Sometimes mommy gets frustrated and loses her temper and can be mean. I really hate that about myself. Do you forgive me." He nods his head and hugs me tighter.

And I feel like the worst person ever because I KNOW what I do. I know I have a temper. I know I handled the situation badly and even though I've apologized, I can't erase what I've already said. I can't erase that he (and my other son) saw my behavior. I don't want them to learn to act that way. I don't want them to inherit my temper and my ability to fly off the handle.

But, I guess the silver lining (to me at least) is that I am big enough to see my faults and #1 apologize for them and #2 admit them to my sons. I hope that I am teaching them that you have to apologize when you hurt someone and you have to own up to your bad behavior. I just hope that rubs off on them more than my actual bad behavior.

Mom on a mission

Do. Not. Mess. With. My. Kids.

Our neighborhood is not perfect.  There are no sidewalks.  I hate that the speed limit is 30 MPH.  And there are just way too many rentals for my taste.

But I have some great neighbors!  They watch out for our house when we are out of town. They have dog-sat in a pinch when we needed to go out of town last minute.  And I love that there are lots of kids in the neighborhood.  And kids that play outside!!  In the day and age where people moan and complain that all their kids want to do is watch tv and play video games, I have two kids that are constantly playing outside with their neighbor friends.

The problem: I have one neighbor couple who likes to speed.  And I'm not talking goes 5 miles over the posted 30. I'm talking he likes to get his 4 wheeler out (illegal on our neighborhood streets BTW) and go full throttle up and down our street.  He likes to burn out when pulling out of his driveway.  And rip up and down the street in his new used-BMW going easily 50 mph.

She drives fast too, but just fast, not aggressive and obnoxious like he does.  But she still probably whips up our road going at least 40 mph.

I have no problem with this couple other than their speeding.  I have even went and talked to them about it twice.  Asking them to PLEASE slow down and obey the speed limit for the safety of the neighborhood kids and dogs that sometimes escape off leash (including HIS!).  To my face he says okay.  But actions speak louder than words, and his actions say that I can kiss his ass.

Well guess what dude? I'm pulling out some action of my own! First thing this morning, I headed down to city hall and picked up an application and petition for getting speed bumps put in our street.  Because if you can't stop being an jerk on your own, I'll get the government on my side to stop you.

And guess what jerk?  I'm not taking no for an answer!  Because I'm stopping this nonsense before someone gets hurt!

I hate that it has had to come to this.  I feel like this could have all been settled with some civil conversation and understanding (they are young and don't have kids yet, so I get why maybe they didn't realize how it would bother us old-parent-people), but the guy just isn't listening.

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And if you are wondering if we've called the police first, why yes we have.  In fact, the police were called just last night.  As I'm standing in my neighbor's yard, preparing to take a family walk, I heard a screeching sound and revving engine.  Then saw his car ripping around the corner and up our road.  He whipped into his drive way.  A few seconds later, he whipped back out, then burned out back down the street.  Another bold mother stood in the middle of the street with her hand up, yelling at him to slow down.  He actually ACCELERATED!  Then SLAMMED on this breaks.  Luckily, she jumped out of the way, otherwise he would have hit her.  Then, he jumps out of his car and starts running towards her with clenched fists shouting "I can drive as fast as I fucking want to!" and then smacks her hard, causing her mail to fly all over the road. At this point, some men from down the road started running towards him and yelling.  So he jumped back in the car and sped off, actually swerving at them as if threatening to hit them.  Then the woman he hit called the police.

When the cops got there about 10 minutes later, I gave them his name and address.  And then gave my statement for what I saw.  Then, I began my plan to get speed bumps installed.  Because if asking nicely doesn't work.  If calling the cops doesn't work.  Then by-golly freaking speed bumps should slow this creep down!

Spank you very much

A facebook friend recently posted this:

Let me begin by saying: I got my butt smacked and survived.

Heck, I have a very sarcastic mouth, so I got much more than my butt smacked!  And I still survived.  And I still love my parents.

But I choose not to use corporal punishment with my children.  And here is why:

#1 I don't want my children seeing violence as a solution.

When Thing 1 and 2 get upset and hit one another, one of my first responses is "DO NOT HIT YOUR BROTHER!"  And we make the boys come together and talk through their issues.  We discuss that if someone is doing something to bother you, you should 1. ask them to stop,  2. tell them you need some space,  3. walk away from them if they won't walk away from you,  4. get a grown up.  In that order.

Does it work all of the time?  No.  But it does work most of the time.

But what about me?  I (along with Superman) am their #1 role model.  What do they learn if I get ticked at something they do and instead of talking it out with them, I reach over and smack their hand or whack their butt.  What have I taught them?

My lips are saying "do not hit people when they do something you don't like" but my actions are saying "it's okay to hit people when they do something you don't like."

Is it hard not to spank?  YES!!  Good god!  Lord knows I have a temper (thanks dad!) and when I get mad at them for being little butts, you'd better believe I want to haul off and smack those rear ends!  In fact, a time or two, I have been so upset and frustrated and mad that I have.

But I know in my heart that that reaction isn't right for me.  It is allowing my anger to control my actions, rather than controlling my anger and dealing rationally with the situation.

#2 I don't think it works.


My parents were spankers.  Spankers, slappers, whippers...nothing abusive, but lets just say my butt was no stranger to the hand or another available object (yes, there was a wire hanger incident).  And I even got backhanded across the face a few times for sarcastic comments. (P.S. Moms and Dads, if you yourself are sarcastic, there is a more than good chance that your kids will learn to be sarcastic too.  Heads up!)

But let me tell you this.  Spanking hurts...for a few minutes.  (My parents never really hit me hard enough to cause major bruising or long lasting pain.)  Then it's over.  You go in your room, cry for a few minutes, then pick up a book.  You give your parents the silent treatment for a few hours, but mostly...no big deal.  Back to life as normal.

But you know what was torture?  Being grounded.  Or being grounded from the tv.  Or the worst of the worst: Having my phone privileges taken away.  Ah man!  I can remember it now, getting a phone call from one of my best friends and hearing my dad say "No, Amber can't come to the phone right now. She is grounded from the phone." Torture!


So when Thing 1 purposefully hit Thing 2 the other day with his new tee-ball bat because "he wasn't moving out of my way and I didn't like that", we didn't spank him.  We took away his bat, put him in time out for 5 minutes while we tended to Thing 2.  Then we told Thing 2 to tell Thing 1 how being hit with the bat made him feel.  And then we told Thing 1 "no baseball for 3 days."  Good grief, the crying that ensued.  You'd have thought I beat the kid with the baseball bat myself.  And over the next 3 days, almost every time he asked to go play ball or went to pick up a bat, ball, or glove, it was evident that this long term punishment effected him much greater than had I done what I really wanted to do (which was spank his little butt!!).

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Look, I'm not saying my way is right and the other way is wrong.  Two of my closest friends are some of the best moms I know, and they both spank their kids with no regrets. I would never say about them "oh, they just don't know how to control their anger" or "they just take the easy way out and spank their kid" or "they are teaching their kids to be violent."  We have had discussions about spanking and they have their justifications for doing it, and I have voiced my justifications for why we don't (or try not to ;).  But in the end, we all have to make the decisions that feel right for us and our families.


I would just encourage parents to think thoughtfully about why you choose the discipline measures you choose.  Because if you thoughtfully consider which method you most believe in and feel works best for your family, then that is the right decision!


Oh, and P.S. to go back to the original comment...Superman was never spanked a day in his life.  He was a model kid (a parent's dream!) and has turned out to be an ace teacher, a fantastic father, and committed husband.  So, I refute the insinuation that kids who aren't spanked are undisciplined and not respectful. Superman is proof that you can discipline without corporal punishment and still raise a lovely, law-abiding, rule following, respectful, contributing member of society. :)

Happy Mother's Day

All I wanted for Mother's Day was to have a super fun day with my kids, not doing any work, not cleaning, not telling anyone to pick anything up...

So we are headed to an indoor water park for the day.  (Shh...don't tell Thing 1 and Thing 2, because it's going to be a surprise!)

Meanwhile, yesterday I got an early Mother's Day present.  I just love things like these questionnaires, where the teachers ask the kids the questions, and then write down exactly what the children say.

I'll have to remember to do some for Superman for Father's Day.  The kids are always out of school for the summer, so he kind of gets hosed.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

They are amazingly accurate.  Thing 1 does call me Mom.  Thing 2 does call me Amber and Mommy.  My favorite color is red.  And while I'm no Ron Swanson, I have discussed with Thing 1 that we are not vegetarians because we like meat too much. :)

I do think it's funny how one thinks I'm short and one thinks I'm tall.  Tall compared to them, short compared to daddy. :)

Batter Up: 2nd Inning

Thing 2's baseball quilt is now all pieced together.

Next step: quilting both quilts.

Warning: this is going to take a while. :)

Batter Up: Update

After seeing the first draft (pre-quilted) version of Thing 1's quilt, Superman insisted I make one addition.

And when I say he insisted, I mean he insisted.

At first, I just thought he was kidding.  But then he made it very clear that he was 100% dead serious.

So I made the addition.

Batter up!

Most of my craft projects lately seem to be projects I'm doing for somebody else.  Either because they are paying me to do it (Yay!) or because I'm making it as a gift.

So I'm happy to take a break and work on a project for me (well, really for my kids, but still...).

My twin sons will be turning 5 in June.  And their room is still decorated using the theme we chose for their nursery.

We have finally decided the time has come to update their room to a little more mature theme.  We (with their help) chose: baseball.

A few months ago, I started looking for baseball linens for their bed, but I was disappointed that I could only find either a specific team or general sports together (baseball, basketball and football).  But I wanted something that was just general baseball.

It was also around this time that I started making t-shirt quilts.  So Superman, being the brainiac he is, suggested I make them t-shirt quilts using all baseball shirts.

Ding-ding-ding!

I started by raiding his closet.  Then surveying shirts that Thing 1 and Thing 2 had almost outgrown (unfortunately I'd already given away all of their smaller size shirts).  Then, I hit up our local Goodwills.  Multiple times.

And finally, I had enough t-shirts to make two twin size quilts.  So this past week, after I finished Laya's quilt, I started cutting and laying out both quilts.

So far I have only sewn together the top for Thing 1's quilt:

Next I will work on Thing 2s.

And then, my favorite (for creativity) and least favorite (time-consuming) step: quilting.

What do you do when you don't like a kid?

Yesterday one of my favorite bloggers posted a blog about having a nanny.  And one of the things I thought was interesting about her justification for being a stay-at-home-mom with a nanny is that only in the United States do we have this "my child, my problems" mentality.  Almost everywhere else still lives by the "it takes a village approach."

It got me thinking: As an American, I am very careful about reprimanding other people's children, because you never know when a parent will go ape-shit on you.

"Oh no you didn't just tell my child to stop kicking that kid!"

The next thing I know I'd be in a youtube video titled "Moms get in cat fight at playground."

So what do you do when a little kid is being a jerk?  

Really, at a playground is the easiest place to deal with this situation.  Tell your kid to stay away from the kid that is hitting/pushing/calling names/spitting/acting a fool.  If he doesn't, just leave.  You will most likely never see that little jerk again.

And while all kids can be little jerks once in a while, what do you do when there is a kid you know that is just generally a little jerk most of the time?

If it is a friend's kid, we just stop hanging out with that friend when the kids are involved.

But what do you do when the kid, the one that you see as a negative influence, is a more permanent fixture in your child's life that you can't simply weed out? What do you do if they are in their class at school, or go to the same church, or are on the same tee-ball team, or live on the same block.  Are you going to have them change classes?  Switch churches?  Transfer leagues?  Move!?!?  Even if you would/could do any of those things, in all likelihood, you'd just run into a new, different problem kid there, too.  You can't just keep moving.

And let me interrupt for a second to say that we in no way think our kids are perfect. All you have to do is read my blog to know that I know my kids can be loud and unruly. They can be mean (but usually only to each other).  But #1 we acknowledge our children's imperfections, and we are constantly working on positive reinforcement and constructive discipline to curb these behaviors. But most parents with the kids I can't stand think that their kid wears a halo and poops rainbows.  (You can't fix it if you can't/won't admit there is something wrong.) #2 I don't want them picking up any more bad behaviors while we are trying to correct the ones they already have!

Am I the only one with these dilemmas?  Are other parents facing similar situations?  What do you do???

Or am I just a jerk for thinking little kids can be jerks?

I need some Spring Fever

So, you can probably tell by yesterday's post that I was a little cranky.  Some days I just feel like a time bomb about to explode with anger and sadness. Yesterday was just one of those days. I felt on the verge of tears almost all late morning and afternoon.

But I felt much better after going home and talking with Superman. He really is my rock. He really can make me feel better like no one else can.

I think that a large part of my problem is stress at work. I just wish I could force myself to not let my work stress and worry affect my interactions with my kids. Because I hate my job and I love my kids.

Not so identical anymore

If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked in the last 4.5 years "How do you tell them apart?", I could buy myself a new swagger wagon!

Sometimes I give a long-winded explanation: Really, once you get to know them and their personalities, you find it hard to understand people who can't tell them apart.  For instance, Thing 1 is my laid back guy that will do anything you ask, and is much more sensitive.  Thing 2 is stubborn and independent, but also a little more reserved and timid about new things.....

Sometimes I give a short explanation: Thing 1's faces is more round, and he has a freckle on his back. Thing 2's face is more oval and his has a small freckle by his eye.

Sometimes I give the obvious: Thing 1 is usually wearing blue (and a baseball cap) and Thing 2 is generally wearing red.

And sometimes I am just too tired to bother: I can't, that's why I write their names on their shoes.

But, as of Saturday afternoon, I have a new way for people to tell them apart: Thing 2 is the kid with the stitches on his right hand index finger.

At least for 5 more days.  Then it will become: Thing 2 is the kid with the scar on his right hand index finger.

Because Saturday afternoon, while Superman and I were out front doing yard work, Thing 2 decided he needed to cut open the fresh pineapple in the kitchen using Mommy's rotary blade.  And what he ended up slicing open...was his little finger. :(

Luckily our pediatrician's office has it's own urgent care, so in less than an hour's time my babe had his first stitches put in.

Calling my dad later that night, he reminded me that I got my first stitches at only 2.5 years old, so really, I'd done a good job going almost 5 years with two boys without anyone getting any stitches!

Embrace the camera Thursdays

Embrace the camera

Click here to learn more about Embrace the camera Thursdays.

If you noticed that I haven't posted in a while, and you thought I was just being lazy, well, you were only partially correct.

The whole truth is that last week was Spring Break here in Hoosierland, so I spent the week leading up to it preparing (packing, cleaning, planning, etc).  The week of enjoying (visiting with friends, sleeping in, beaching it).  And the week after recovering (unpacking, cleaning, getting used to getting up on time again combined with the time change).

We had a great vacation though, and in honor of my pledge to Embrace the Camera more (so that if I died in a fiery crash tomorrow, there would actually be proof that I was once the boys' mother...) I actually got in on a few of the vacation snapshots.


Here are just a few....

My Family!

Spring Break 2012!

Me and Thing 1

Thing 2 and me hanging at the RV show

Thing 2 and me riding the Tide

Perfection

Friday night I stayed up really late sewing some curtains for a friend.

When I headed to bed, this is what I found.

There are no words...

Embrace the camera

Click here to learn more about Embrace the camera Thursdays.

Fun with Photo Booth!  Thing 1 and Thing 2 love to invade my craft room and "help" me.

P.S. Do you love Thing 1's tie-dye pajama bottoms?  The boys helped me make these, made out of old t-shirts.  Thing 2 has a green pair just like them. :)

The Back-rub Scam

I am often guilty of pinning pinning pinning on Pinterest, but then not doing anything with those great ideas.  But not this time internet. Not this time.

A few weeks, or maybe months, ago, I pinned this idea (on my Playing with my kids board) of a dad who drew a car track on the back of a tshirt in order to scam a free back-rub.

thebluebasket.blogspot.com

And last night, after Valentine's Day dinner, I was really wanting a back rub.  But Superman doesn't do back rubs, so I retreated to my craft room and about 15 minutes later came out with this:
 

And guess what internet...it works!!  Thing 1 and Thing 2 snuck into my room and saw what I was doing, so I told them to go grab some cars.  And they were back in a flash!  Then, they spent a solid 45 minutes playing cars on my back (and my butt and legs. I was not excited that my butt was the "super huge mountain", but hey it felt so good they can call it whatever they want!).


But before you go judging my lazy parenting, I will tell you this, the unexpected benefit from this arrangement was that it forced me to just lay and listen to them play.  Not do any parenting or instruction.  Just listen to them be them.  Not listen while cooking dinner.  Not listen with one ear, while listening to the news with the other.  Or listen intently for 3 minutes and then return to another task.

As a mother who works full time, I often find that I'm so busy juggling everything that my mental to do list is on constant scrolling in my brain (scoop the cat litter, feed the fish, make dinner, clean up from dinner, fold that laundry, put that laundry away, vacuum up that cereal, sew up the tear in that snow suit, etc. etc) which makes it hard to just focus on any one thing in the evenings.  But thanks to this t-shirt, last night I spent 45 solid minutes just listening and taking joy in hearing how imaginative and creative my sons are.  And hearing them bring in situations from their real life. I couldn't stop smiling, and not from the scammed back-rub (although that did feel good!).

It was definitely a great way to bring a close to a day that celebrates love.