Motorcycles & vaginas

I would never give anyone motorcyle advice.

I don't own a motorcycle, nor have I ever driven one.  I have, however, ridden on a few.

But having ridden shotgun (does this apply to riding passenger on motorcyles too?) a time or two does not make me an expert.   If I started spouting out my opinion on how to take care of your motorcycle, you would tell me to shut-the-front-door.  And you'd have every right, because unless I owned a motorcycle myself, I really can't know what I'm talking about.

So, to all the men out there, please keep your opinions on child birth to yourself.  You do not have a vagina.  Sure, you may have ridden one a time or two, but until you actually have one, you really have no idea.

A man I know posted a link to an article about the pros and cons of using epidurals during child birth.  He's a nice guy, and I know his intentions weren't malicious (his wife is pregnant).  But I just couldn't help myself to reply "So I take it when you get pregnant, you will not use an epidural."  Because c'mon guy, how can you truly have an opinion on natural child birth vs. medicated child birth if you NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH CHILD BIRTH!

Heck, I know quite a few women who have said they wouldn't use drugs when they gave birth, but once they were a few centimeters dilated and the waves of contractions were coming right on top of each other after hours and hours of labor, they changed their tune.  I just don't think anyone, man or woman, knows what they'll do until they get there.

And honestly, I don't even have much opinion on the subject myself.  Yes, I have a vagina, but I had one pregnancy and my doctor started preparing me for my planned c-section right about the same time I found out I was having twins.  To me, my opinion is: You know your pain threshold.  You know whether you like to tough out sicknesses or take the meds.  You know YOUR body.  If you want the epidural, get the freaking epidural.  If you'd rather go au natural, then bonne chance ma soeur. À chacun son goût.

But remember this, you don't get a medal for not using drugs.  At the end of it all, you just get a baby, just like every other women...vaginal or c-section, epidural or sans epidural...the result is the same.  Do what you need to do to get that baby out safely and into your arms.  And let other mothers worry about their own vaginas.

Peace.

What's your sign?

So yesterday, the big hub-bub all over the internet was whether or not astrological signs have been changed due to some new scientific discovery.  I wasn't too upset to discover that under these new findings, I was supposedly no longer an Aries.  Because while I do know my sign, know what it's attributes are, and occasionally check my horoscope, I pretty much believe it's all crap.  But, fun crap.  Harmless.  Like fortune cookies and Santa Claus.

But I will say, I was really disappointed to see that the boys were no longer considered Geminis, the sign of the twins.

Geminis are considered adaptable and versatile, communicative and witty, intellectual and eloquent, youthful and livey.  They are also supposed to be nervous and tense, superficial and inconsistent, cunning and inquisitive.

Obviously, the boys are versatile, intelligent, youthful and lively, and cunning and inquisitive.  So, I give this astrological sign a 42% accuracy.

But of course, I don't care about that.  I care that my twin sons were born under the sign of the twins!

Luckily, all the hub-bub was about nothing.  Apparently the astrological signs we typically follow are the Tropical signs which have not changed.  Go here if you don't believe me.

"How do you do it?"

"How do you do it?"

"Having twins must be hard!"

"Is it a lot harder than having one baby?"

"I don't think I could ever do that."

These are just a few variations of a common comment I get from friends and strangers about being a mom of twins.

Depending on the mood I'm in, my responses vary.

If I'm feeling chipper, I'll launch into my informative reply:

Actually, having twins is a lot easier than I though it'd be.  You just have to get them on a schedule.  My kids eat at the same time, sleep at the same time, and even seem to poop almost at the same time!  Honestly, I think it's easier than having two just a year or so apart.  At least my kids eat the same foods, wear the same size clothes and diapers, have the same nap schedules.  I can't imagine having to handle two young ones at different ages with wildly different needs!  Now that sounds hard!

If I'm feeling tired, I give my passive reply:

Yes, it is hard.  Sometimes I don't know how I do it.  (Then stick my nose in a book or change the subject.)

If I'm feeling frisky, I might give one of my smart ass replies:

"How do you do it?"  With a lot of help from cheap wine, ambien, and ear plugs.

"Having twins must be hard!"  Nah, two aren't so bad.  Now triplets, that was bad!  I finally just took their other brother back to the hospital for a refund.

"Is it a lot harder than having one baby?"  I don't know.  I've never had just one baby.

"I don't think I could ever do that." What would you have done?  Put one on the curb with a sign around its neck saying, "Free to a good home."