Just one of those days...

I guarantee you G.C. did not hate his job.

I hate my job.

I know people say "everyone hates their job."  But that is just not true.  First of all, I know plenty of people who love their jobs.  Second of all, I have had several jobs that I loved.

For instance, I loved my old job.  Were there things about it that I didn't like?  Sure, it could be a bit isolating for example.  But overall, it was a great job, very flexible, great benefits and compensation, and something very important to me: colleagues that I liked and respected and that liked and respected me.  It was just a pretty sweet gig.  And I hardly to never dreaded getting up and going to work in the morning.  Sure, I would rather have stayed home with Superman and the boys, but that can't be helped.

Why did I leave that job that I loved?  Well, as much as I loved it, and actually really liked the town we lived in in NW Ohio, we did not like being so geographically far from any family.  We moved there pre-kids, but once Thing 1 and Thing 2 came along, we knew we wanted to be closer to one of our sets of parents.  So, I started looking for a new job.

I won't go into specifics about why I don't like my job.  Dude, this is the internet, and although I highly doubt anyone from my job would ever stumble onto my blog...it could happen.

Here is my problem though.  I'm 32 years old.  I'm well educated.  I'm happily married.  I have two great kids.  But I spend 40 hours a week, wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else.  I feel like that is a problem.  If I'm going to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week NOT being with my kids, I want to at least enjoy what I'm doing, feel like I'm making a difference in the world, be productive and creative, and enjoy the people with whom I'm working.  Is that really too much to ask?

Life is short y'all.  We never know how many days we have left.  Or our loved ones have left.  Shouldn't we ENJOY our days as best we can?

I love crafting.  I love being creative.  I really, really, really need to figure out a way to turn my love and passion for making things into a way to make a living.  Because I'm slowly dying an emotional death in this job.  In the three years I've worked here, I've be come an unhappier person.  A more pessimistic person.  Frustrated.  Grouchy.

No wonder I'm having a hard time making friends.  I wouldn't want to be friends with someone whose always in a bad mood either!  I miss the me who used to be happy and upbeat.  Sure, I was no Pollyanna, but I was a lot more joyful once upon a time.

How do I solve this problem?  Part of my issue is that I just don't know.  I can't just quit my job, because we need the income.  I've applied for job after job after job in this area, but in three years I've only had three job interviews and not one offer.  (But even then, I worry what if I hate that job even more than this one!?!)

Part of me is pissed that I can't find a job because I know I'm a rockstar, but the longer I stay in this job and don't get interviews and job offers, the more my self-esteem and confidence diminish.  Why don't the want me?  Maybe I'm just not as awesome as I think I am.

I wish this blog was ending with a resolution of how I'm going to fix things.  But it's not.  It's going to end with a frowny face.  And me feeling sorry for myself.  And sad.  And confused.  And wishing I was at home, in front of my sewing machine, instead of at my desk wishing I was anywhere but here.

Something has to give.  And soon.  Because I refuse to be this unhappy every day.

:(